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If you read my previous blog post, “Becoming an Independent Researcher and getting published in ICLR with spotlight,” you will know how much I struggled to enter the world of machine learning research. However, you will also know my struggles ended on a positive note, “there is light around the corner,” or so I thought. Well, it is complicated. — Vancouver, Canada

9 months after my ICLR spotlight award, as an Independent Researcher.

A real story of having succeeded, to then have promises broken and dreams crushed, and feeling sorry for yourself when others have it worse.

My blog post on “Becoming an Independent Researcher and getting published in ICLR with spotlight” that went viral on Twitter.

Many like to think, that success, especially earned success, is followed by more success. But success is followed by reality and reality can be cruel.

What am I allowed to feel?

My love for science is a love for truth-seeking. Formed by being constantly asked to question, if my headache were real.

Family of sheeps looking relaxed.
Family of sheeps looking relaxed.
I don’t want to change my past. I value my love for truth-seeking, even though I know there is rarely such a thing. Don’t feel sorry for me. — Greater Copenhagen, Denmark

Why I want to be a Research Software Engineer

Becoming a Research Software Engineer has become a dream. A job where I get to be involved in research and science, through programming, but leave some of the academic parts, that I don’t like, to others.

Bridge in a forest over a tiny river. The bridge is build from stacked branches and looks unsafe.
Bridge in a forest over a tiny river. The bridge is build from stacked branches and looks unsafe.
The destination for me has always been clear to become a Research Software Engineer. How to get there has never been clear. — North Zealand, Denmark

January 2020, so many emails

Many professors struggle just as much with getting into top-tier conferences and journals, as young students and researchers do. We just don’t notice them, the same.

DeepMind; hope like never before and the careless hands

Your hopes and dreams are held by invisible hands, that can carelessly drop you at any time. Affecting you forever.

No matter how good you are, the invisible careless hands are just that; careless. Not because you are unqualified. Don’t think any less of yourself because of them.

Google AI Residency; promises, a virus, and tears

A dead naked tree, completely covered in spider webs, somehow consumed by inspects and arachnoids. There are green trees arou
A dead naked tree, completely covered in spider webs, somehow consumed by inspects and arachnoids. There are green trees arou
Sometimes nature shows its ugly side, kills the beauty that once was, and there is nothing you can do. — Copenhagen, Denmark.

To have ones dreams come true, to feel sure that it would happen, then to have it all taken away by invisible hands. It makes you wish to never dream again.

Other promises

A church on a clif, at a coastlike that is slowly being taken away by the ocean.
A church on a clif, at a coastlike that is slowly being taken away by the ocean.
There is much beauty in life, but it is also very fragile. Anything can be washed away, by nature or mankind, at any time. — Stevns Klint, Denmark

Mila; becoming a Ph.D. student

This conflict of “I should be grateful but I’m not”, is something I struggle with daily.

Success does not always follow success

Many like to think, that success, especially earned success, is followed by more success. But success is followed by reality and reality can be cruel.

Dealing with loss, when others have it worse

If there is one thing I have learned, from living a life with chronic headache, migraines, and a few cluster-headaches, it is that; comparing pain is completely meaningless. What we feel is relative to what we have experienced, learned to deal with, and what is important to us in the moment.

A palace and grass field. The sun is behind a cloud so everything poorly lit.
A palace and grass field. The sun is behind a cloud so everything poorly lit.
Right now, the sun doesn’t shine on us, let’s not lose hope. — The Hermitage Palace, Denmark.

Q & A

Ph.D. Student at Mila, researching interpretability for Machine Learning because society needs it. Published in Distill, SEDL|NeurIPS, and ICLR (spotlight).

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